Dangerous Magic

Will it harm or heal? Picture from Pixabay/CuriousHunter

In my upcoming 'Chronicles of Esha' novel ‘Summoning Skies’, I wanted to explore the concept of magic that can both heal and harm. When is a good thing far too much?

I think we can all relate to that on some level. A delicious cream doughnut from the bakery (and I’m talking New Zealand doughnuts here!) with icing sugar, and mock cream (sorry, fresh cream is vom), and that cute little dot of jam on top—well, clearly that is healing in every way possible. Having a bad day? Sneak out at lunchtime and have a doughnut. You will go back to work feeling smug and satisfied. Ten of them would be overkill. A cream doughnut is a magic that heals and harms.

 Everything we love seems to fit into this category. Shopping? Yay! Until you’re hoarding bags in the wardrobe and wondering if your landlord will take shoes instead of cash. Sunshine? Yay! Until you’re a burnt prune with melanoma. Scrolling? Yay! Until you realise, you’ve just scrolled your day away and you’re ten times as angry as you were before you started. 

Obviously, it seems moderation is the key. But what happens when moderating becomes too hard?

Alcohol was my magic potion. I worked in a media industry where alcohol was currency. Staff drinks every Friday. Effort and results rewarded with wine. Epic work parties every quarter. Drinking after 4pm at your desk was acceptable any day of the week. Booze fridges all over the office. Even our weekly office meetings were held down the road at the pub.

I drank hard; I partied harder. When I left that job, however, the desire for alcohol remained. It had its claws into me, and I didn’t know how to make it let go. I still drank, but I didn’t have the team around me cheering me on anymore, and the more I drank, the more pointless and useless it seemed. I really wanted to give it up, and I was scared I couldn’t.

Alcohol had become my best friend. Had a bad day? Wine would comfort me. Had a great day? Wine would clap me on the back. Had an average day? Wine was there to hang out with.

I didn’t know if I could let go of my best friend. I didn’t want to let go of my best friend. It was a toxic relationship I just couldn’t leave, and every time I tried, there was that gnawing want inside me. One wouldn’t hurt, would it? And then we were off again, full steam ahead, into the bottom of the bottle.

The only winners were the alcohol companies. The losers were my wallet, my health, and my motivation.

I never hit rock bottom like many drinkers do. I didn’t have to drag myself out of a gutter or beg my family and friends for forgiveness. I didn’t have to sell my stuff to pay for vodka. I didn’t get the shakes if I didn’t top up, and I only drank nice wine, not shaving cream or anything. It was still bad, though. I bought wine at different stores, so the staff wouldn’t recognise me. I put the bottles out in the recycling bin on the curb under a layer of jam jars and olive oil bottles. I didn’t look at my bank balance, or count the bottles. But I knew it was a lot.

I decided to moderate. I would have two bottles of wine a week, and stick to it. It was alright for the first three days, but I thought about alcohol all the time. How many glasses had I had today? How many units could I have tomorrow? If there was only a little bit in the bottom of the bottle, did that count? How big were the glasses supposed to be, anyway?

It took up so much brain space thinking about alcohol, and I was sick of it. I wanted it to be like it was when I was nine years old. It didn’t occur to me to think about alcohol back when I was a child. My brain was free to think about other, more enjoyable things. I wanted that now, to make my brain stop thinking about it. That was part of the reason I never went to AA. I didn’t want to talk about alcohol. I just wanted it not to exist.  

The turning point came when a woman I had partied alongside with at work posted on Facebook that she had just completed her first alcohol-free year. I was gobsmacked. Proud of her. Ashamed of myself. It gave me the kick up the bum I needed.

“If she can do it, I can too,” I told myself. I quit moderating, and I quit alcohol for good.

The book ‘This Naked Mind, Control Alcohol’ by Annie Grace was empowering. She was a woman like me, who had worked in an industry that celebrated a toxic drinking culture. She had embraced it, and then she had become disillusioned by it, and then she desperately wanted out and didn’t know how to do it. It was like reading about my own life. I recommend this book to anyone who wants to control their alcohol intake. It looks at the science of addiction and how to beat it.

It was hard that first week. I drank a lot of SodaStream with lemon slices. I looked at the calendar and marked off a day and then another. I sweated through the night with drinking dreams, and woke in the morning, horrified that I’d broken my no-drink streak. I didn’t know that drinking dreams were very common—your brain’s way of scaring you into being sober. Thanks, brain!

Over time, it got easier and easier. And I was so, so proud of myself. That first-year anniversary of being alcohol-free was supersonic. Now I’m eight years in, and I don’t look at the calendar anymore. I don’t dream about it, and I don’t have even the tiniest craving for it. I don’t think about it at all, just like when I was nine years old!

Smoking, on the other hand … I wish I was joking! I gave up cigarettes 25 years ago, and sometimes I still think, “Oooh, a cigarette would be nice right about now.” How is it that my smoking urge persists and drinking alcohol doesn’t? I don’t know. (By the way, if you’re wanting to give up smoking or vaping, I recommend the book, ‘Allen Carr’s Easy Way to Stop Smoking.’ Again, it talks about the science of addiction, and gradually brainwashes you into stopping. I see he has an ‘Easy Way to Quit Vaping’ book out too.)

Anyway! This is all a very long-winded way to say that in my upcoming book, ‘Summoning Skies’, our main character Jana has a predilection for algum. Algum is a rare and costly fae drug. It helps the untalented to cast spells and create magic they wouldn’t ordinarily be able to do. The fae that takes algum becomes powerful, playful, confident and euphoric. Algum is fun. It’s healing for fae who can’t cast magic of their own.

But it also makes the user reckless and careless of consequences. It can deaden their own magical talent. It gives them hangover headaches. It doesn’t last long, and it leaves the user with a yearning that will gnaw and gnaw until the craving is satisfied. Algum is harmful.

As our hero Kye says, “They will pay for it, and then they will steal for it, and then they will kill for it. And in the meantime, they waste away.”

Ask me how I knew what Jana was going through? 

It was easy to write about Jana’s experience with algum, and a little painful too. Unlike Jana, I couldn’t cast fabulous magic spells when I was intoxicated, but I still felt as if I was a better version of myself: prettier, more confident, funnier, and a way better dancer. It was magical, but magic can be dangerous. When healing turns into harm, moderation is vital. And if moderation doesn’t work, then it’s time to let it go. I hope Jana will learn that lesson too!

‘Summoning Skies’ is the fourth book in the ‘Chronicles of Esha’ series. It’s a standalone, full-length novel with brand new characters, set in a fae city in the Kingdom of Skies. It’s a fun entry-point into the fairytale world of Esha. You absolutely do not need to have read the first trilogy to get to grips with the story.

‘Summoning Skies’ is at the final edit stage and will be released in October 2025. Keep an eye out for ARC opportunities in the meantime! I’d love to get your take on it. It will be up for pre-order by the end of the month.

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Until next time,

Love Tab xx